A Writer's Journey

This New Year

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Here we are, and I haven’t blogged much lately, spending my writing time plowing through novel drafting. I finished that draft and sent it to beta readers January 2nd! And while I thought I’d have time to jump into a new short story while I wait for the feedback, but our 2019 started off with a bang.

On New Year’s Day, my grandfather passed away less than 24 hours after I’d spoken to him on the phone. (I am so, so grateful for that conversation.) His beloved wife and son, my dad, were with him at the last. Somewhere, I’ve tucked that grief away, taking it out at times to sit with it, uncertain I can or should try to really see it all the way through without my family nearby to share it with me. Many days I go through life and wonder how it can seem so normal. What if I rush past the window of grief, even though it’s really a corridor?

That afternoon, I came down with the kids’ cold and it is a whopper. I’m still coughing horribly and tired. Between that and my oldest chidren’s last few days of winter break, there was not much writing going on, which is fine, if still a bit disorienting/frustrating. I’d spent a solid 6 months writing my novel and not doing that felt strange at first.

Looking back at my goals for 2018, it’s interesting to see which I did and didn’t meet. I’m ok with all of it. My novel was my passion project and needed my focus. This year, I have very few goals because I want to see where the year takes me.

The one definite goal I have is to get my novel ready to submit to Pitch Wars in August. (I just “eeped”a little.) Between beta readers and then, I’ll have about 7 months to do what I hope are the final revisions and edits before it’s ready. That seems like a measured and manageable time for those goals. Oh my.  Can it really be?

Otherwise, I hope to be on here a little more often than the last six months. Oh, and read lots. I only read 1 nonfiction book last year, so I’m setting the goal of 3 for this year. There will always be lots and lots of fantasy to read. And always, there will be the hard, gentle work of allowing and seeking growth and connection.

 

 

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A Writer's Journey

Lost and Found in Fiction: What Writing Revealed to Me

Six and a half years ago, I returned to writing. I can’t describe the kind of freeing relief it brought me. I returned to blogging and started writing a fairy tale that I thought would be a short story.

I wrote because I could no longer ignore the call. I wrote because not writing was draining me of energy. And, completely unbeknownst to me at the time, I wrote to tell myself about long-buried, long-forgotten trauma.

Most of my experience until then was in writing stories for children’s magazines. Not one had sold, so far. The story of a princess and the mysterious statue that appears in the castle grew and changed and evolved. At some point, the short story demanded to be a novel. (I’ve written a little about this before.) I had no idea what I was doing then, but the process has been rewarding, not always in a pleasant way, but in a way I needed more than I knew.

In the years it’s taken me (still taking me) to write this novel, I began to see parts of myself revealed in the words I’d written. Parts of me I’d forgotten or didn’t know. And not just parts of me, but memories, memories I’d suppressed and forgotten.

One day as I learned about the nature of suppressed trauma memories,  recognition flooded my body and mind. I froze, panic choking me. This was shockingly familiar. Over time, I read about it and spoke to a therapist, confirming what I knew even before memories began to surface: that when I was barely old enough for kindergarten, someone trusted had fractured my childhood. At that age, when actions and people are still usually categorized as either good or bad, the brain doesn’t always know how to store memories of a trusted individual  doing something bad. Those memories don’t get stored properly. But they don’t leave. They just manifest differently.

For me, one way they manifested was in a fairy tale turned fantasy about a protagonist who must return to the scene of  long ago, forgotten events in order to stop a villain from wreaking havoc on the world.

I was writing to tell myself that something was wrong. That world was me and I was trying to remember something that wreaked havoc on my life. It was time to start facing that havoc.

Today, this novel has gone through six or seven drafts. I have changed many details that once spoke deeply to me about what I’ve lost or grappled with. At first I wondered if this made the story lose something good in the original version or something of personal value to me.

But writers know that if you toss something out of a draft, it doesn’t evaporate. You store it carefully away for another time, where through time and life it ferments into rich material. If something meaningful didn’t make it into one book, it will appear in another one.

Secondly, whenever I wish I this novel was written, edited, and published by now, I remember that I was writing to tell myself things. Deep, life-altering things that demanded recognition. Things that somehow, could only be said through a long story process. Because somehow it was story that finally led me to battle the monsters that lay hidden deep inside.

And it was worth it. Because I needed it. The things I wrote for myself were worth the time. And story, I have learned, can offer a unique opening to the path towards healing.

This is where I would tell you some beautiful story of God’s nearness to me in the midst of all of this. He has been near, and he’s given me many tools to work through this trauma, specifically story. But as much as I wish I did, I don’t have some amazing parallel insight on my relationship with God to share with you. Maybe this needs more fermenting time. For now, it’s enough for me to say in awkward prose that he was and is near, he’s trained my hands for battle, and in my hand is a pen. And I’m not done wielding it yet.

With words we share, shape, and name. With words, we can cut a path through darkness.

Why do you write? What are you telling yourself? It may not be about trauma (I sure hope it isn’t), but maybe if you have been writing the same story over and over again, you are trying to get a message across to one reader: you. Don’t ignore that message.

You are worth it.

A Writer's Journey

(White) Writer Meets Diversity

I’m writing something like the 7th draft of my novel. The characters have been pretty homogenous-everyone in my fantasy world was white, despite there being three different kingdoms. Over the past couple of years, as I slowly grew more aware of my predominantly European setting and focus in writing, it no longer seemed ok. I have friends who don’t look European. They matter to me and it bothered me to see how little representation people of color have had in literature. So to honor my friends, I wanted to include people of color in my story.

It seemed like a simple changing of skin and hair color for my characters. It wasn’t difficult to do at first, because I’d never really settled on what my characters had looked like anyway. And in the fantasy genre, as Janelle Garrett reminded me, the writer creates her own cultures and peoples: it doesn’t have to mirror ‘real’ life, but it should certainly avoid racist language and character typing.

Ok, I thought, this is easy! Just add some different skin colors in here, and voila! A little more representation in literature. Yay me.

Or is it easy? At this point the over-analytical side of my brain kicked in and I did what I’m good at: panic that my efforts aren’t enough.

Who am I, a white woman, to be trying to include people of color? What if I offend someone?? Should I scrap my characters and make them all black? But I can’t do that, because now we’re back to square one here, just a white girl who has no business writing about black people. Even ones in a made up culture.

Help.

Actually, getting help is a great idea. Asking friends for their thoughts helps me get out of over-analyze mode and they will tell me if I’m totally nuts or just a little. So that ‘s what I’m doing, asking for input.

And really, this is yet another opportunity for me to let go of perfectionism. I’m going to make mistakes as I learn to love my black friends and I already have. What matters is that I am humble and I am listening. That I am moving towards instead of hiding in fear of, basically, not being perfect.

So yeah. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m willing to learn. Because I love my friends.

So share your thoughts if you like, especially if you are a person of color. I value your comments.

A Writer's Journey

Seasonal Writing Suggestions

I’m not a gardener. One day I’d like to be. I hear from my gardening friends how digging in the dirt teaches you. You learn patience and pacing, dirt and beauty in ways only gardening can teach you. No one plants the same cucumber seeds all year long. No one harvests pumpkins all year long either. (Maybe you hate both of these and I’ve already lost you.) I’d venture to think, that despite my black thumb, that I can see a few similarities between writing and gardening. In fact, I think writers need these seasonal rhythms.

I’m going to share a few small ways that I am beginning to discover what influences my writing seasonal rhythms, and some ways I have adapted over the last few years. Keep in mind I’m a mom with small children at home. This is one of the best enforcers of creativity, in my experience!

Natural Light

Do you have to write in daylight? Do you do your best work late at night? If you’re a natural daylight junkie, early summer mornings of writing might become afternoon winter sessions. My rhythms are greatly influenced by the fact that my children wake up very early with each Fall Back, and they do that for several weeks. Sometimes I can squeeze a few words during those early mornings in while my little ones play. Morning is my preferred time to write, but sometimes those winter months mean I write during nap time instead. With Spring Forward, I can look forward to the return of morning writing.

Energy

Does winter slow you down and summer give you the itch to move? Or maybe like me, it’s the opposite. If the temperature slows you down, maybe you need a change of scenery to revitalize you. If your summer writing spot turns into a nap-inducing nook in the winter, consider writing at the kitchen table or at a coffee shop.

Summer is often the time for vacations and school breaks. If you can identify the seasons in which you will be busier, perhaps planning for smaller spurts of writing will help with your goals. Maybe you can’t write 2k words every day, all year, but you can squeeze 250 words in-between errands, events, etc. during the summer. You can still be clear about your progress. Then, in the slower months, set bigger goals to catch up.

Another way to steward your energy in these more hectic months is to tackle shorter writing projects. Maybe you set your novel revisions aside after the first round and write blog posts for a month. If you have that flexibility, sprints may serve your goals rather than trying to maintain a marathon.

Adaptability

The key to all of this is adaptability. I have never been great with sticking to a schedule. Changing nap times, bed times, colds, and everything that comes with being a mother has made that even trickier. Instead of feeling like I’m starting over with every change, I try to see it as finding the larger picture of the year. Yours may or may not mirror aspects of the earth’s seasons, but you can create your own seasons to best cultivate your creativity and reach your writing goals.

For other seasonal resources that might help you create these rhythms, check out Emily P. Freeman’s What I Learned posts, which she writes quarterly and invites other writers to join. Here’s the link to her recent Spring post, with a download and links at the end.

Mohawk Momma Loves offers several amazing resources for identifying soul rhythms that can impact every area of your life.  Few things are as freeing as realizing you don’t have to plow through the year with the same structures and spaces if they aren’t serving you.

Recognize your natural rhythms, then create the environment you need to best utilize them. And give yourself time. Remember, seasonal change doesn’t usually happen overnight. If one year the green beans just don’t sprout, maybe next season, you can try something else.

Do you have helpful seasonal writing practices? Let’s talk!

A Writer's Journey

Writing Personalities: Introverts & Extroverts

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Happy Friday! In collaboration with other lovely writers, I’m answering some questions today related to introversion/extroversion dichotomy and my writing. I decided to stick to the Q & A format. Be sure to read the other bloggers’ posts at the end of this one!

  1. Are you an extrovert or an introvert?

  2. Introvert!
  3. What stigmas have you come across with your personality type in life?

I’m not sure I’ve personally experienced anybody associating any stigmas directly with my introverted self. It’s been more like people shaking their heads because I expressed a need to be alone. *Chuckle*

3.  Do you view your introversion/extroversion as a help or a hindrance?

I think both have their advantages and disadvantages. Introversion most often feels like a hindrance when I consider the energy output certain tasks require. And as a parent with young children, I have to weigh and plan so that I don’t burn out during the day without some sort of downtime space for us all, so that I can make it through bedtime. Simple outings can be exhausting. Part of that is just the stage of parenting Mike and I are in. (No doubt both extraverted and introverted parents can relate to that in one shape or another.)

On the plus side, I am never ever bored when I’m alone. My imagination is vast and complex, which feeds my writing.

4.  What stigmas have you come across, specifically in the writing community, in terms of your extroversion/introversion?

The deck seems to be stacked in favor of introverts here. Much of the writing community seems to be geared towards introverts; we might even be the dominant half of the writing world in terms of percentage. I personally have not come across any stigmas, other than the general stereotypes such as the dramatic artist or the starving artist, and most of those are applied by those outside looking in. However, we all know that while those stereotypes aren’t complete, but they can be part of the writing life!

Just ask me about why I considered driving a garbage truck as a career option yesterday. Hint: it’s not because I love garbage trucks.

5. How would you say your introversion/extroversion affects your writing? Does this have a positive or negative effect on you as a writer?

Well, I don’t need environments like coffee shops to get my best work done, so I love writing at home. In fact I’m too easily distracted/drained if I write anywhere but home.  I think and work best in quiet, so that can also be hard to find in a household of six, but it’s possible to find the time. And it can be recharging for me.

6.  Do you write characters with a similar personality type? If not, how do you write characters with a differing personality?

I try to write different character types. My current protagonist is so much like me, though. I didn’t mean to do that, and when I kept discovering our similarities, even my attempts to change her didn’t work. She’s just too real and wants to be who she is too much for me to fight it now. So, I embraced it. With other drafts I wrote last year, I intentionally researched and made choices about my characters’ personalities before I wrote. It helped.

7.  Does your personality affect which genre you write in?

I hadn’t thought of this before. I think it’s more my imagination that affects my genre choice here. My imagination is too big and sprawling to not make up my own new worlds, so I gravitate towards fantasy.

8.  How are your storylines affected by your extroversion/introversion?

This may or may not have anything to do with it, but I haven’t yet attempted an epic with multiple main characters. I’m having a hard enough time getting the events straight for my one protagonist!

9.  How does your introversion/extroversion help or hinder your marketing of yourself as a writer? What challenges or benefits does this create?

Navigating social media has its challenges for me as an introvert. Even though it’s not face to face interacting, engaging on line feels overwhelming and exhausting at times. In order to really connect with future readers and be genuine, I’m trying to cut back on pointless scrolling (which helps no one) so I can be intentional when I’m on Instagram. I haven’t been on Facebook much since last year. For me, it’s about pacing myself and learning, but being content for now with slow growth. However, I really want my stories to genuinely touch people’s lives, and I dream about the day someone tells me that my book had an impact on them. That will be the day.

Do you think your extroversion or introversion influences your writing? If so, how?

This blog was a collaboration with other bloggers. You can read their take on this subject at their blogs:

Jaq Abergas
A Writer's Journey

Revisited: The Wood Between Worlds

Hello there! I’m sharing this post from June 2015, when we said goodbye to our home for several months. This morning we said goodbye to Central Florida again, perhaps for good. As we greet this next adventure, I thought I’d revisit this place and the solace I’ve found there in the past. June is a time of transition for us. I will always remember this place with gratitude, and many others. The words at the end of this post ring true once again. 

Past the playground, around the “sandbox”(aka volleyball court), past the dock, towards the trees that rustle with the perpetual breeze from the water, the sidewalk winds its way out of sight. The kids and I have enjoyed this park for a couple of years.  How has it taken me this long to find this little bit of solitude?


The other day this park was my sanctuary when I needed a few minutes to regroup. I started walking towards the pond, but there was a party nearby. So I turned right down the sidewalk. That’s when I found it.

It was just what I needed. When I can’t do anything because it’s been so long since I had any solitude that I can’t even hear myself think, this is where I find quiet.

A place where I can bid my heart be still

And it will mind me

A place where I can go when I am lost

And there I’ll find me.
(“The Girl I Mean to Be” from The Secret Garden.)


When I returned from the walk, the pond reflected a brooding sky, and the breeze had picked up, rustling the water into agitation. Change is coming, warned the wind. You entered the woods and have returned to a different atmosphere. Soon you’ll be in a different place altogether.


I love this little wood between the worlds. Though I am leaving it soon, I can only imagine the new secret places I will find in the next few months. They are sure to be worth discovering.

My little adventurers love it too. They have their own new stories ahead of them.
A Writer's Journey

Guest Post at Ink & Grace Editing

Remember how I planned to revise my novel in January, then I changed my mind? And then I changed my mind again. Recently I had the honor of guest posting over at Ink & Grace Editing. Read below and follow the link to read about what kept me back, and what pushed me forward. Can you relate? Let me know!

Do you ever find it difficult to pick one writing project? After a year of practicing short stories, flash fiction and poetry, I knew that 2018 was my year to tackle a longer project. The problem was, I had four of them waiting to be finished, and I was in agony over which one to pick.

These projects included two novels and two short story collections I wanted to expand and revise. Of all these, my darling was the YA fantasy novel I’d begun five years ago. I really wanted to return to it. But it just felt so big. And scary.

Read the rest of the post at Ink & Grace Editing.

A Writer's Journey

A Creative Process

Recently, a dear friend and writer asked me what my creative process looks like. I had to think about if for a while since it’s not something I’d ever defined before. Thinking about this process has highlighted some important elements for me, and maybe you can relate.

The first thing I realized about my creative process is that writing, like most things I do, is an intuitive process. So far my stories have begun with either a character or a setting.

With a character, I usually see an image or ask a ‘what if’ question. What if so and so actually did this instead? What if it this character is more than meets the eye? Or, as in the rough draft of a short novel I wrote last year Fences and Forest, if I can imagine a character whose personality is almost opposite of mine, what would he/she do? Most of my questions about characters put a spin on something familiar to me.

Little maps I’ve sketched become places of interest. Who lives here? What are the tensions and friendships that exist between them? Whose secrets will come to light? How will these secrets impact others? These are the kinds of questions that drive me to write about these places. Whether I start with a character or a setting, writing starts with getting curious about them and exploring their stories.

After I’ve written a draft, I sit back and read with a slightly critical eye. Without fail, I discover that it contains an element of therapy for me. That means that I have unintentionally begun to process a life event through the story. I have not yet chosen which life event before I start a story. Even in the stories where I tried to avoid that by choosing a polar opposite character from myself, I still managed to draw significant parallels between transitions in my life and my protagonist’s story.

Since this cannot be escaped, I can develop it into an asset. In fact, it is an asset. Some of my favorite stories are ones in which I can draw multiple parallels between the plot and my own life events. I know I’m not the only reader who feels that way, either. So by tapping into this process, it can help create resonance with my readers. Resonance reaches people like few story elements can. (See this article.)

At some point in writing, I take a break from the story to gain a fresh perspective. It might be a day. It might be a year, as in the case of last year and my longest-running project. I have certainly found this to be helpful and I always gain something from this break that improves my story.

In finishing the story, I always try to get feedback first if it’s something I want to publish. Writing can be a solitary endeavor. That is necessary, but writing and the writer need community. Asking for feedback is a great way to invite a trusted writing buddy or even non-writing friend into the creative process.

Ultimately, the stories that I find most rewarding to write are the ones that end on a hopeful note. Not perfectly, not neatly. The protagonist doesn’t get everything she or he wants. In fact, it’s often when characters face loss and hardship that we as readers connect with them the most. It’s how they face, overcome, or grow in the midst of these challenges that inspires readers. That’s one reason I love writing stories. I want to acknowledge my Creator in them, and I don’t want to use Christianeze. (In fact, I joke that I’m allergic to it.) Stories teach in a way that teaching and sermons can’t. Stories can take facets of invisible realities and offer them in a different light.

For me, the creative process will always be linked to hope. Redemptive, creative, fragile yet resilient, hope.

Have you ever thought about your creative process?What does that look like for you? I’d love to hear!

A Writer's Journey

2018 Writing Goals

Not all who wander are lost, but some of us have a hard time picking a path to begin with. 😉

There are few things as exciting as a new year and new writing goals! At the start of 2018, I had the bare bones of one children’s novel, the fourth or fifth draft of an older novel, and two collections of short stories. They all need revisions and I want to look into publishing one of them too this year.

My biggest question was how far will I go with The Ravine, my oldest novel? I took a break from it last year. I don’t know about you, but I love starting new stories more than I love finishing them. (ahem.) But The Ravine deserves attention. I need to finish something-right? Would this be the year to pursue finishing it, maybe even self-publishing? The research I’ve done revealed tons of resources on self-publishing and stories of writers who completed that process well within a year.

Wow. A novel of mine, actually completed AND published?! Sounds good! Sounds amazing, actually!

The more I researched, though, the more my choice became clear: self-publication-at least for a novel in need of much work-is too big a chunk for this year. Right around New Year’s, my husband and I had to make some quick, life-altering decisions that will result in rapid-fire changes over the summer. Our lives will be in a state of flux for three or four months, maybe longer. Trying to revise, edit, AND publish a novel in one year started to sound life-draining.

So! After vacillating hilariously all January over what to do which month, I finally recognized what was holding me back from choosing a project to start on. It boiled down to two things.

The first was fear of missing out. What if I should be revising that short story right now instead? But if I do that, what if The Ravine isn’t getting the attention it deserves? How can I neglect my poor characters for another month?! Woe is me!

I know. Saying it out loud gave me a chuckle too.

If you have this problem too, and there seems to be no imposed rhyme or reason to project deadlines, then repeat with me: these projects aren’t going anywhere. The rest will still be waiting for you when you finish one. Bonus: you’ll finish one! Or at least bring it to the next stage, and that’s saying something. Importance of hard work aside, we aren’t what we produce.

The other reason for my chronic hesitation is that, as I mentioned, I love writing more than revisions (certainly more than editing, yuck!). Hence the always starting something new. Months of solid revision sound, well, painfully boring.

So here is the solution I’ve come up with: I”ll set a time to revise and a reward for myself. You can do it too, whether it’s a number of minutes in a day, a chapter a week, etc. Pick small weekly and monthly rewards. Right now my goal is to revise one chapter a week. Then my reward will be to write whatever I want afterwards.

Still thinking about that monthly reward. Any suggestions?

What are your goals for 2018? Do you have trouble with indecision or set rewards for yourself? I’m cheering you on!

A Writer's Journey · The World We Live In

Writing Lessons of 2017

Happy New Year, friends! I wanted to take some time to appreciate 2017 before jumping in to my goals for this year. I wrote about small goals for 2017, since we’d just welcomed our fourth child in to the family. In simple terms, they worked. They gave me something to work towards. They helped my mindset. They gave me the freedom to dabble in some small projects. Flash fiction and poetry are such fun, creative challenges. There is something freeing about distilling words into something small. With such a busy year as a mom, I enjoyed flexing my writing muscles in sprint format rather than the marathon of trying to revise my novel.

All those prompts I tracked down? Those turned out to be fun at times, but I didn’t use them as often as I’d thought.  I enjoyed the prompts shared by other bloggers that I did participate in. Blogging started out as a way for me to practice writing more often. Daily or weekly prompts just weren’t what I needed when I had my own surfeit of ideas, too many to pursue.

Not surprisingly, in October, I couldn’t escape the itch for a longer project any longer. I chose a story idea based on a map I’d drawn some time ago. I outlined, free wrote, and did character sketches. By mid November, I started the first draft of a children’s novel, Fences and Forest. Then in December, my mom gave me the idea of finishing a collection of short stories I’d handwritten earlier in the year as a gift for my grandfather. Lightbulb! Thanks, Momma. I typed up, revised and edited A Year with the NimblePaws, a collection of stories about a family of mice, sending it off (nearly) in time for Christmas. I finished the bare-bones draft of Fences and Forest at 11:57, New Year’s Eve.

Those last two stories taught me a lot. I loved writing for my grandfather. When I was little, I would send him cartoons that he loved. My children have provided me a lot of materials for cartoons in recent years, but I don’t make them as often anymore. My grandfather makes a special appearance (as a mouse, of course) in A Year with the Nimblepaws. Including someone you love in a story is very satisfying, especially if you know that person will enjoy it. There are so many possibilities there that I haven’t fully comprehended yet, but I know there is more of that in my future.

These stories began as my way of coping with the fact that I was expecting our fourth child: the Nimblepaws are based on our family of six. Turns out, I’m pretty good at semi-autobiographical writing. AYWTN brought me the closest I’ve ever come to finding my true writer’s voice in ‘longer’ fiction. Write what you know- isn’t that the advice we hear?

Fences and Forest is my first attempt at an adventure story. Big stakes, large cast of characters, the rule of three, all that. And also, more mice. I may write more about Henry’s adventures in a future post.

Meet Henry, the protagonist in Fences and Forest.

Oh! I had the honor of having two of my poems published by Prolific Press. Who would have thought that my first successful venture into publishing would have been through haikus! You can read one of my poems here, in issue 55 of Haiku Journal.

My first poem appeared in Issue 12 of the 50 Haikus publication.

2017 was a good writing year. I learned what gave me freedom in writing: writing what I like, writing for people I love, writing for the joy of it. It was good to be a little less bound by expectations of what I ‘should’ be producing and write a little more fully from my heart.

How was your 2017 writing life? What did you learn, gain, and lose?